The Busvine Line: A sensitive issue...

I've heard that they broadcast sensitive personal problems on the telly now, but I am a shy sort of chap and don't find it easy to chat about things that affect me like this does. My mother always kept her legs crossed, especially when she laughed, and dad had a stiff upper lip, so I suppose I've been brought up in a family that didn't express themselves freely in public. Except for cousin Alfred, who was once caught doing it in the park...but that's another story.

I did ask advice from an old codger who strolls to the farm gate to feed the horses on the hill, but as he was partially deaf I don't think he understood what I was trying to say as he offered me half of his cheese sandwich and a digestive biscuit.

Anyway, I'm trusting you to keep this matter to yourself. The thing, it's got to be said, is that I can't keep my Joey up. In the mornings all seems fine and it even sometimes looks me in the face (if you'll pardon this description), but then as the day goes on it leans to the left, seldom to the right. When my girlfriend sees this she laughs, which makes me feel a whole lot worse as I feel there's something seriously wrong, and you'd think a woman would be more sensitive about my feelings. After all, I am never happier when my Joey is riding high on top of his balls.

Some days he is standing firm and his head nods when my girlfriend offers encouragement...in fact, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I've noticed that he may even spit a bit if she kisses him...but just when I think that all is well he droops and has even a few times fallen off his perch.

Top Ten Tips

1: There's a good shop in Portishead that stocks model railway stuff at reasonable prices (although all model railways stuff is unreasonably priced). You can also order on-line from them: http://www.modelrailwaysdirect.co.uk/

2: The best trees are crafted using wire (see YouTube).
But...they can also be made from twigs stroked with pva glue and then covered in 'reindeer moss'. Reindeer moss is available cheaply in bulk from floristry suppliers and comes in a variety of colours. Flocking can also be purchased, although this is more expensive, so it pays to mix things up a bit. Bare twigs can also make good trees, particularly the dried thorn ones and blackberry stems.
Trees with flowering white blossom can be made from dried white 'sea foam' statis, which is available inexpensively from floristry suppliers. There are also some fluffy dried grasses that look like trees. The seed heads of Buddleia also look good, either left natural or else sprayed dull green.

3: Glue dots sprinkled with 'Flower Soft', which is an inexpensive craft flocking product, make good flower patches.
The yellow and blue looks best I think.

4: Baseboards can be painted green and/or brown and then covered with well-crumbled Oasis block crumb. We've also used loose tea leaves, coffee powder, glass sand (from floristry suppliers), and out-of-date dried kitchen herbs. These offer varied textures and interest. The up-to-date static flocking makes far superior grass, but is a lot more expensive of course.

5: An effective derelict castle can be made out of artistically cut toilet and kitchen roll tubes painted grey and sponged with shadow shades (although ours is covered in grey stone-like paper) before covering in places with reindeer moss.

6: A sponged blue and white cloudy affect painted on the walls works well as a general background to the layout. Hills and novelty items can be painted on top of this.

7: The best 'people' figures we've found are made by Presier and Noch. These aren't cheap however. Alternatively, packs of a hundred 'basic' people are cheaply available on Ebay. These are ok as space fillers. They also make useful car drivers (where their legs need to be cut off).

8: The best-value decent quality building kits (for houses etc) we've found are by 'Metcalfe'. 'Super Quick' models are also pretty good. We've used several cheaper card kits but they will be replaced in time. Hornby buildings are excellent, but very expensive.

9: Roads can be made from adhesive-backed black rubber sheet 2mm thickness. This is inexpensive on Ebay.

10: We've mostly used pva and clear 'uhu' adhesives.